.kuba (lotophagous) wrote,
.kuba
lotophagous

i talked to her today, after a week of her total absence. i am glad we can talk again, i missed her badly. but in a way it was a sad reunion, i found out that she is falling in love. although it hurts, i think it is the next best thing that could happen. when we broke up she said she did not want anything long term. of course i knew it would not take soon, it never does, but there was still a risk that she would suppress her capacity for love. and that would do greater damage to her soul than she is aware of.

her love possess a rare, magic power of changing people's life, uncovering qualities they thought were gone for ever. she can conjure nobility, courage, sensitivity, kindness, fragility, even when they have been resting under a thick cover of grey concrete for decades. and she will make his world more beautiful than he would ever imagine. she did it to me and the magic is still there, even when her love is gone. i do not indulge myself in destructive feelings like hate, bitterness or jealousy. all i feel is deep sadness but it is not a paralysing feeling. even if i am not in the mood for much right now, i know magic, love and beauty are waiting impatiently to reenter my life.

now i can kill the last traces of irrational hope. this puerile thinking that things can change in a magical way, despite the disdain of the rational mind. i hope we can take up our old friendship again, the way things were before we got romantically involved. of course it would be a different kind of friendship but nevertheless i think we can make each other's life richer.
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