November 26th, 2002

Kolkhoznitsa

solitude is just another word for freedom.

new username, new layout. but i'm suddenly in a place very similar to that i was in 8 1/2 months ago when i started this journal. but this time i know i can be free from silly hope and haunting memories in the foreseeable future. even if my heart is turning into minced pork, it will heal. and it will love. i'm much stronger than before, i know now i deserve love, happiness, loyalty and respect. if people i happen to love don't agree, too bad for them. i will feel bitter and sore, say and do things just to hurt.

i don't want to suppress my emotions as i used to, i realise now i am entitled to feel the way i do and to express my feelings, even if they are not very pretty. but it's only a phase and after a while only pure, tender, unselfish and unconditional love will remain. the kind of love that is akin to benevolence and friendship and that sometimes can grow once its romantic cousin is dead and buried. so don't worry if i turn cynical and sarcastic. it's only for a limited amount of time.
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