.kuba (lotophagous) wrote,

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but i still think soccer sucks

i was asked a peculior question today - why do i sometimes refer to myself as a boy? i wasn't even aware of it but we may have something there. for long time i was denying my masculinity; like the heroe of guenther grass's 'the tin drum' i refused to grow up into the role our society holds for men, the innate benefits, based on an ever present, tacit threat of violence. i never appreciated their company, their beer drenched flock rituals, odd interests and indifference to things that matter. the only domain where i could give full expression to my masculinity has been that of sexuality.

then something happened recently. after exploring my feminine side i suddenly got in touch with my masculinity. it doesn't scare me anymore, au contraire, i really enjoy it. the ability to demand and stand for it, to express rage and and anger (although in non-violent ways), to boldly go where no man has gone before (it's trekker, not trekkie). i feel whole and fullfilled.

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