.kuba (lotophagous) wrote,

  • Mood:
  • Music:
yesterday we went to a concert with such great musicians as wanda s� and danilo caymmi. mainly bossa nova, with a pinch of fusion. pure joy for over an hour. the audience was ecstatic, myself sedated by the utter beauty of the music. not even the scent of anise and vanilla coming from the woman next to me could not disturb me.. but tristeza would catch me up soon..

me and B shared a bottle of red after the concert. as usual discussing our sad experiences in the field of relationships and oral sex techniques. i love that girl, i admire her unwavering faith in love, despite all shit she has been through. she is falling in love (again) with a man who is 18 years older (oh, shut up). i love seeing her this way. i hope they will make it.

i am quite low. it is not like my usual fits of depression. this time i know the cause so it does not frighten me. but it does affect me, although i am not troubled by the feeling of inferiority, i can sense my mental capacity is at a very low level. it will not surprise me if i delete this journal in a couple of weeks (months?), being ashamed of the pubertal standard of my musings.

speaking of pubertal. since a couple of months very young women have shown interest in me. irl (i look maybe 10 years younger than i am, which would excuse them) but also on the net, where they can see my age. do not get me wrong, i am not being an age fascist, and it is flattering with girls half my age gazing into my eyes. but it makes me confused and somewhat uncomfortable. what can i be sending out?

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