here i am now, in no man's land, saying goodbye to my old life, trying to keep what's valuable, nostalgic about all habits and neurotic behaviour that i maintained for so long. it's time for brutal honesty now, revolutionary ruthlessness against the pettiness of the lifestyle that's quickly disappearing. the future looks promising, not because of events that may or may not occure soon, but because i'm finally ready for a big change. the future may actually be very hard and trying. my hopes may as well be shattered in a few months, but i will at least have a mind that understands and accepts the inevitable. at last i feel responsibliy for my own happiness, or lack of it, and i deserve both good and bad.